A friend posted this and I thought it quite apt, so I’d also like to apply…….
Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary,
I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession
of a calculator.
I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible
proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to
certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of
all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a
cashback scheme.
Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying,
law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may
disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to
negotiate.
I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave.
You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here.
I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or
legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through
PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this
enterprise.
Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart
voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s
been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think
of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount.
For £35,000 I will:
• Leave quietly.
• Not require a press conference.
• Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.
• Even carry my own suitcase to the airport.
I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the
efficiency of the scheme.
Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern
Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and
contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real
pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus.
Who knew?
While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly
food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to
know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary
goodbyes.
May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance
contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m
overdue.
In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even
asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance
the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on.
If successful, I promise to:
• Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).
• Not stage a protest on the runway.
• And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify
twice.
All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career
pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV.
Yours in hopeful relocation,
A slightly confused taxpayer!

Happy birthday!

Sometimes it's the simple things in life that can bring gratitude and joy to my life like today, my elderly neighbour knocked on my door bless her this morning asking if I could help her with her stuck kitchen drawer, she couldn't open it to get a teaspoon out! "No problem I said" and promptly got my tool kit and popped round, the screws holding the mechanism had come loose, so a quick tighten up and now all is as good as new! And what a great cuppa she made me as well! #Neighbours #Help #Community

Absolutely hooked on this! #Landman #TVSeries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zxh49-bsIk&t=10s

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Merry Christmas everyone!

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